Man of the Year?

Reprinted from Time Magazine supplement: Getting Beneath the Under Underground Movement(March 2005)Talking to the ‘Other' G Dubya

An interview with one half of Smiling for Beginners

By Randy Merikins

In 2004, Time Magazine named G W Bush as person of the year. It is a decision that was met with some controversy, but one that we stand by. Today I am waiting to interview a man with the same initials and haircut as this great man. The man I am referring to, of course, is G Dubya Clothespainter - one half of Melbourne musical duo Smiling For Beginners.

The venue for our meeting is the very exclusive Wheelers Hill Hotel in that exclusive suburb of Melbourne. I start out by asking G Dubya about his connections to G W Bush, given the vast amount of coverage recently given to G Dubya’s behind the scene involvement with the Bush administration. “Look”, starts off G Dubya flashing me one of those award winning toothy smiles, “George and I were good friends – but that’s it. We went to the same school together – Brandon Park Tech. George was a really talented welder, gee could he get a great mix. We got drunk together, played pool at the Chadstone pool hall on Saturday nights and even dated a few of the same girls. Sometimes we’d sleep over each others places and have a slumber party – you know with PJ’s, hot chocolate and watching Pretty in Pink whilst the rain pelted down outside. Gossiping and having pillow fights – I miss those days. That’s where our connection starts and pretty much ends. I fell out with George after he was so drunk he defecated in the bath at my 18th birthday. Have you ever tried to get poo off of the middle of a bath tub at three in the morning whilst completely inebriated, using nothing but a fly swat? Trust me if that don’t break a friendship then nothing will”.

But what about the connections between you, Halliburton and the Bush Administration? Do you deny that you have been a key advisor in the Whitehouse – and mislead President Bush on the existence of WMDs in Iraq? “You know, these accusations are all conspiracy theories. One need only look at the type of loons that are perpetuating these myths – Norman Mailer, Noam Chomsky, Jauque Chirac, French people, German’s, the majority of Australia (that is the riff raff), students, trade unions, badly dressed university professors (you know the ones with the leather patches on their sleeves) and even worse dressed hippies. You can’t believe people like that.”

So you deny these claims. “I’ve been to the Whitehouse – sure – but that was just to check out the interns, I hear that they really go for men of power – ie moi. Basically, the Whitehouse is just like a big nightclub, there’s big bouncers around everywhere, you can’t get in with cheap shoes and you need to have membership (usually as an employee of a top 500 company). It’s just that the music isn’t as loud and women don’t dance around their hand bags (well they did on one occasion – the day Clinton left but that was it).”

So, changing the subject, you and Roderic Fester (the other half of SFB) have been working together for some time now. How did you meet? “We met in a bar in Havana one balmy evening. The salsa was heating up as the sun was going down. We were both finishing off our margharita’s, when my dress caught Roderic’s eye. It had this fantastic floral pattern on it – you know red background with a paisley and putrid pink daffodil design. So he came up to me and asked me where I bought it. Just then the revolutionary police busted down the door and threw us in jail. Thankfully I had connections and Fidel personally came down from his office and paid the 250 food stamps – from his own ration book(!) - required to bail us out. After chatting and playing tiddly winks in goal, we knew we had to combine our talents. So we joined up as dancers in a touring Salsa/Tango group for 12 months, travelling up and down the coast of Cuba. We danced a lot of bars and wore some amazing fruit headpieces. But it all had to end when I caught Roderic trying to escape to Maimi in a tractor tube. After he finished his two year sentence in a Havana maximum security prison we started writing music together. We’ve been writing songs ever since.”

SFB’s album Naked Pumpkins reached number one in four countries – Australia, Spain, Lichtenstein, and Tonga just one week after its completion. It is a wonderful blend of spoken word, groove and musing about root vegetables. The public has really taken to it. But the critics have absolutely slammed it. One has described it as: “music to torture people by”. What do you say to these criticisms? “We must consider all art critics useless and dangerous. Criticism is the lowest form of communication.”

You and Roderic are never interviewed together – why is that? “We never travel together either. We view ourselves like the people that know all the secret herbs and spices to KFC, or the guys that know the formula to cocacola. Like these people – who don’t travel together in case they all die and take these valuable secrets with them – we are also taking precautions. It is too much of a risk to be in the same place at the same time, as if both of us die – Smiling for Beginners dies too. But if one of us live on, one of us at least will be able to have a half assed solo career with the fan base we’ve already built up.”

As Suzie the bartender called last drinks and local constituents Rick and Simmo sang the last chorus to Flame Trees by Cold Chisel, I bade G Dubya farewell. As I walked down into the car park I thought of who I’d recommend for the next person of the year for our humble magazine. And then I thought, perhaps one day there will be another G Dubya on the cover at the end of the year… perhaps…